Sephiroth, I choose you!
by Animal Cracker
Summary: Sephiroth is pooped out of the lifestream as a Summon Materia. Who did this you may ask? The one and only, God- I mean girl, Aerith! As his innocent silver glory shines in the bleak surface of Mt. Nibel it happens to catch the eye of, who else, Yuffie!
1. Sephiroth's Demise

**(( A/N: I has too much time on me hands. Also contains strong language, maybe not this chapter, but definitely the next. There will be no sex ever because I can't be bothered to write those sort of scenes and have it not be completely wrong and stupid. Rated M just to be safe with le language. :P Uuuuuuummmmmmmmmm...Lots of OOC! ))**

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"Stupid Cid!" Yuffie huffed, climbing higher and higher on Mt. Nibel, "Stupid Rocket Town!"

After a rather _peaceful_ visit to her old man in Wutai, Yuffie headed off to 7th Heaven where she was free from responsibilities of a princess. Not that she took up those responsibilities while she was in Wutai. She complained and whined her way out of it which probably took longer than the actual duties itself; Kiss some babies there, make mothers happy here, show a bit of respect to the oldies, etc. _Pppsssshhhhhhhhh_, whatever. She really couldn't be bothered.

She had better things to do like shove her nose in Cloud and Tifa's relationship. They really weren't going to make it anywhere without the great Yuffie.

Yuffie, on her merry way to 7th heaven, decided ever so kindly to stop by Rocket Town to catch up with Cid and Shera. No, she wasn't being nice because she wanted a ride. No, of course not! She was just missing her _best friend_, Cid Highwind. Too bad he didn't feel the same about her. He made that quite clear by slamming the door on her face before she could even steal anything.

Darn.

Instead of going straight to Midgar, she remembered Vincent Valentine whose monthly badgering was just about time. She couldn't miss that, she had a reputated to up hold! Plus, how would poor Vinnie feel if she forgot about him?

So here she was, the Single White Rose of Wutai, crossing the dirty mountain of Mt. Nibel for her angsty ally.

Once Yuffie passed the Shinra mako reactors to which she stuck her tongue out at, something shiny and spherical caught her eye.

"MATERIA!" Yuffie shouted, throwing herself onto the hard ground of Mt. Nibel fully encompassing the small object. She looked at the silver orb in her hands and had the feeling the orb was dreading its existence.

"Don't worry, silly!" Yuffie said, standing up as she patted the orb, "Yuffie's going to take good care of ya'!"

With the materia in her hands, Yuffie resumed her journey.

"Now what is it you do? I don't think I've ever seen silver materia!"

Holding out her right hand, the materia cupped safely inside of it, she exclaimed, "Go, silver materia!"

Less than ten feet from her stood six foot seven of silver hair, leather and a huge sword.

"Oh AH EM MEH GAWD FRSHHTHPP!"

Sephiroth turned around having realized his company. He regarded her slightly, tilting his head to the side, "Oh, so you are mentally retarded. The flower girl had told me you were, but I didn't think so." He smirked, his eyes dancing evilly as all evil do-ers eyes dance only the dance of evil, "Guess I stand corrected."

"Liar!" Yuffie shouted, pointing an accusing finger at Sephiroth, "What are you doing here, Liar McDestroytheworldleatherpants?!"

"I think that's obvious."

"...?"

"To call forth my mother and destroy this pathetic world! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHASQUEEE!" He began, throwing his hands up while he groped the air, his voice growing deeper and louder as he met his end of his sentence until a surprising twist of his voice became high pitched.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Yuffie cried out dramatically, dropping to her knees.

With a blink, Yuffie realized something, "Wait, squee?"

"SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE~!" From his mortified expression and his bright green eyes staring wide down at his mouth, he had no idea what was happening.

Suddenly, a blinding blaze of light ripped through space and as a pink clad Cetra stepped out, flowers greeted her feet, "Tee hee."

"Aerith!" Yuffie exclaimed, jumping five feet into the air flailing her legs and arms.

"SQUEEeee~!" Sephiroth sounded as excited as Yuffie, but his expression was that of a executioner.

"Hey Yuffie!" Aerith smiled, waving her hand.

"What are you doing here?" Yuffie asked, "Aren't you suppose to be dead!"

"Squeeee..." Sephiroth agreed, having seen and talked to the girl in the liftestream.

"Just checking up on Sephy over there," Aerith, though the blatant words of the ninja caused her heart to teeter to the dark side, smiled forcibly and thumbed at Sephiroth.

"What's he doing being alive again? He has no business being alive!" Yuffie pouted, placing her fists on her hips and puffing out her cheeks.

"SQUE-!" Sephiroth looked like he had been about to yell something menacing that made even the hearts of the dead shiver in fear, but stopped short when he remembered his condition.

"I see what you mean," Aeirth mused, placing a hand on her hip while the other rested against her chin, "he did try to destroy the planet twice now, but no worries Yuffie!" She smiled cheekly brightly again, jutted out her hip to one side and threw her head to the other, "He's in your control!"

"Huh...?" Yuffie was slightly disturbed by Aerith's manic movement.

"What?" Sephiroth asked. He brightened visibly and looked happily puzzled. His eyes lit up as he laughed, "I'm normal again! MU-SQUEEEE~!"

"Mmhmm. See, that materia there your holding is like his mind and soul, you control it Yuffie!" Aerith still hadn't moved from her awkward pose and her smile and eyes grew even wider.

"Woah! Awesome! But, why is he "Squeeing" like that? I'm not making him do that."

"Yea, he'll be doing that for a while. It's a sort of rehabilitation thing for him. Whenever he thinks of sinful things, what ever comes out of his mouth will be that high pitched, squeezing a rubber ducky like noise."

"Oh boy! No way! That's genius!"

"I did it more for entertainment really," Aerith said smugly, shrugging her shoulders, "Yes, I'm that great."

"Happy, happy thoughts," Sephiroth said to himself, looking to be concentrating very, _very_ hard, "Good Sephiroth, think happy."

"I'll be watching you two!" Aerith smiled and waved. The bright light behind her grew brighter as if to suck her in.

"Wait, Aerith!" Yuffie called, running a few steps towards the flower girls.

"What is it, Yuffie?"

"Did you really say I was mentally retarded?" Yuffie pouted her lips as her wide watery eyes pleaded at Aerith.

"Oh, um..." Aerith trailed off, her eyes shifting from left to right, "Lifestream's calling! KTHNXBAI!"

The light engulfed Aerith and once it was gone, the pink cetra was too.

"Huh..." Yuffie said, not quite sure what to make of what just happened.

To her right, Sephiroth chanted, "Daisies, frolicking through flowers, sunshine-"

A large grin appeared on Yuffie's face, slowly turned to the silver haired man and said in a voice used for dogs, "Who's a good boy? Sephy's a good boy!"

"RIPPINGOFFNINJA'SHEA-SQUEEEEE~!"

"HAHAHAHAHA!"


	2. Vincent's Sexiness

**(( This chapter reminded me of high school when a boy in my class, seated at my table, claimed, "Girls don't shit!" To which my other classmate, a girl, also seated at my table, exclaimed, "What are you talking about, I shit all the time!" Coincidentally, the class' volume had dropped and everyone heard her. It was pretty damn hilarious.**

**Chapter's sort of theme: Everything Vincent does is sexy- Universal truth. ))**

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On the bed, shrouded in shadows, Vincent looked up from his book _'Perfecting the tortured soul look' _to the sound of blood curdling screams from outside. God they were ruining his grieving into the distance time which was right after the self loathing baths. Turning his hot crimson eyes to the window, he saw the town of Nibelheim unexpectedly in flames. His make-a-sexy-but-brooding-heroic-appearance senses were tingling.

"It's time," Vincent said suggestively vague, he learned it was good to keep things vague as it made him appear mysterious. Turning, his cape swished dramatically, the aflame Nibelheim creating the sexy yet appropriate background to his epic movements. Vincent unnecessarily flipped into the air, never mind the low ceiling- his sexiness took care of that, and landed gracefully onto the wooden floorboards with both feet.

BAM!

Horrified, Vincent looked down at himself and exclaimed seductively, "I'm obese!"

The voice from below told him otherwise.

"VINNIE!"

"Oh, it's just Yuffie," Vincent sighed smoothly. With another wave of his cape, he proceeded downstairs.

-

"Geez, Seph," Yuffie said, observing Nibelheim from Vincent's door step, "Try to keep the pyromania down, will ya?"

"It's not my fault, it just happens when ever I come into this town," Sephiroth shrugged. True to his words, the moment he had stepped foot on the town, it combusted into flames. Yuffie just noticed now.

Yuffie ignored him, "Just don't burn down Vincent's mansion, okay?"

Sephiroth just glared at her and silently reveled in the thoughts of impaling the ninja. Although, those were rudely interrupted by said ninja as she managed to take down the door and screeched, "VINNIE!"

By the time Sephiroth followed Yuffie inside Vincent appeared at the top of the stairs and expertly flipped into the air.

The two watched as Vincent's red cloak caught onto the chandelier.

"OH GOD!" Vincent screamed provocatively, dangling from the chandelier by the end of his cape and flailing his limbs. Due to his floundering, the cape came free and he landed on the floor with a loud thud. The bundle of red cloth stilled, then slowly rose to reveal Vincent Valentine with the flick of his hair. He intentionally ignored his guests, preening himself modestly, but stopped when he noticed who it was standing on his fallen door.

"Damnit, Yuffie! I know you love annoying me, but this isn't!" Vincent shouted rather sultrily, "IT'S MAKING ME SHIT BRICKS!"

"It's just Sephiroth, Vince!" Yuffie smiled brightly, jumping on one foot and throwing up her arms. Vincent didn't appear to be listening.

"AND DARK, ANGSTY, SEXY MEN LIKE ME DON'T SHIT, YUFFIE! THEY DON'T SHIT!" Vincent yelled charmingly, jabbing a finger to his chest.

Yuffie and Sephiroth exchange glances.

"DO YOU KNOW WHY?"

"Um, because...you're too dark, angsty and sexy?" Yuffie replied unsure of herself.

"Damn straight," Vincent flipped his raven locks attractively, "Now be my meat shield while I fight off the mother fucker."

"Ahem, mother _lover,_" Sephiroth, who had been silent up until now, corrected, "There's a difference."

He was ignored.

"You've been hanging around Cid, haven't you!" Yuffie grinned, flapping her arms.

"Shut up," Vincent said alluringly, pushing his bangs and head away revealing his smooth neck some how glistening in sweat, "And why hasn't he killed you yet? I sure would like to."

"Oh, Vinnie," Yuffie squealed, twirling in her spot, "You're so funny!"

"I don't think he was joking," Sephiroth commented. He was starting to wonder how delusional the girl was.

"YESHEWAS!" She yelled quickly, whipping around to send him a heated glare. Brimming with sunshine, she ran to Vincent, "Let's go catch up, Vinnie!"

"SQUEE~!" Right now, he wanted to skewer them both.

"Get away from me and why is my son, I mean, Hojo's son, may he perish in hell, "squeeing" like that?"

"He's my pet and if he thinks of evil things, then when ever he tries to talk, he SQUEEEES~!"

"My goodness, could you not do that? It's worse enough when he does it. Any way, how are you is master? Boobless girls like you don't get sexy human pets."

"Haha, Vinnie, you're so silly!"

"Did you just...Did you just call me sexy?" Sephiroth leveled the man with a disturbed stare, "Do I resemble your woman or something?"

Vincent winked and approached the man with ardent foot steps.

"Oh god, Mother!" Sephiroth cried as he was pushed up against the wall.

"Come on, Lucr-" Vincent corrected himself sensually, tracing down the taller man's chest with a finger, "I mean, Sephy."

"Wooooaaaaah..." Yuffie said loudly, stunned immobile as she watched two very attractive men, one repelling the other's advances.

"Yuffie! Help, let me break his neck-SQUEEEEE~!"

"You can't do that to Vinnie, he's dark and angsty!"

"And sexy. Don't forget sexy, it's a crucial element to my character. Without it, I'd just be creepy."

"Yuffie! I'll do what ever you want, just, just!" Sephiroth pleaded, crimson eyes closer to his than he thought was safe.

Yuffie, having forgotten she _already_ had the ability to make Sephiroth do as she pleased, sighed, "Fine fine! You can push him away." Crossing her arms, she turned around and mumbled, "Not like I wanted to watch anyway!"

Quickly, Sephiroth escaped from Vincent, shoving the man down and ran over to Yuffie. He wrapped an arm around her waist and carried her to his side, under his arm and bolted out the front door.

"Bitch, get back here with my woman!" Vincent screamed attractively, but stayed in his door way. Rules say he couldn't leave the mansion unless it was to save the world, lest it shatters his brooding image.

Suddenly out of no where, females, age ranging from just been born to old as can be, swarmed around his mansion. All of them wore 'I heart Vincent' T-shirts, held up crappy home made posters and shrieked for his babies.

"Oh my gosh!" Yuffie squealed, "Vinnie just called me his woman!"

"Bitch, please," Sephiroth rolled his eyes, flipping his silver hair over his shoulder. Everyone knew everything and everyone wanted him.

"Oh Sephy, you're catching Vinnie's humor! So silly!"


End file.
